For those that’s wondering what this modern dating term means, it’s basically the first part of dating that goes on way past it’s expiring date, a relationship that has no labels. Let’s just have fun with no expectations kind of a situation.

I think this is all well enough when this is what both wanted from the beginning. Problem is that I was way more into him than he ever was into me. I gave my heart to him without realizing what was happening, without him even asking for it. Why should I be surprised that my heart got broken, I placed it in the hands of someone that did not want it to begin with. I tried by all means possible for him to feel the same as I did, needless to say, it did not work. It has taken me only a measly 2 years 🙄 to realize that I was the one hurting myself, not him. I knew what I wanted, I wanted a real relationship with him. He knew he didn’t want one with me, I knew this all along, but continued pursuing the silly notion that one day he will come to his senses and be happy that I did not give up on us, because theses are the types of things that you see in movies, right?

Even with all that’s happened, my weak moments, crazy emotional reach outs to him, the tears I shed, I don’t regret one single day. I haven’t felt such intense emotions in all my life, I doubt anyone gets to experience in a normal lifetime. I felt more alive than I ever did, than if I was to play it safe, guarding my heart (which with no doubt I do believe is important, I have learned now why). I’m stronger than I was 2 years ago. I’ve grown closer to myself, gotten to know things about myself I doubt I would have without this experience. It was an emotional roller coaster that had to stop for me to finally make the choice and step off this time round.